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  • Makeena Rivers

Season for Softening into Vulnerability for the “Strong Black Woman”

Things around you might be especially busy (or let’s face it, chaotic for some of us), as they can often be in this season.

For those of us who tend towards the “strong black woman” tendencies, when things become busy like this it can be particularly hard to sit back and not jump into fix it mode. If you do identify with the description of these patterns, it may very well feel easier or more comfortable to try and take control by fixing things around you.

While this season can come with its fair share of things to plan, fires to put out, people to take care of, instead of moving into this season with the same “strong” energy you may have historically held, in this go around the season try things a little differently.

  • Seek opportunities to express yourself when you feel hurt, tired, angry, or when you simply need a break.

  • Look for little moments in your day.

  • Have conversations with others that put you in the position where you’re being taken care of.

Whatever they may be, try looking for ways to soften into vulnerability.

A note from the writer

When winter rolls around many of our minds automatically jump to the challenges of the season. Whether it be the loneliness many people feel, the lack of sun (and vitamin D), or the hardships that the elements can throw into the mix of navigating life, for so many of us the struggle of the season is usually apparent. While we can not change the reality of winter and what we may subconsciously associate with the season, we do have some power in shifting the perspective we have of the tumult we are navigating. We can replace our old view of that the things we are navigating as barriers that will inevitably drag us down and we can replace our understanding of them to better suit our wellbeing. Rather than becoming frozen in fear or agony, we can cheer ourselves on with encouragement. We have the option to tell ourselves with compassion and patience that the challenges we are facing are opportunities for growth. It is much more uplifting and energizing to seek opportunities to strengthen vibrant self love, supportive discipline, assertive and honest boundary setting, lean on and building community, engage in vulnerability for deepened connection, or whatever goals we may identify for ourselves than it is to get stuck in the natural feeling of being held back by hardship.

With this in mind, the following mini posts share a few options for rebranding this season in your life. The hope is that this will help you tap into a renewed reservoir of energy and give you a sense of purpose as you navigate the season you are in. Each post is associated with a pattern in behavior, find what resonates with you, feel free to read a description (and an exercise), and see how the reframe described in the post resonates with you. Does it make things feel lighter? Do you want to add your own perspective to this reframe? Feel free to alter, challenge, or embrace whatever comes to you of the following reflections.

- Makeena Rivers

be Morr is a culturally affirming therapeutic community in New York City where Women of Color receive Mental Health services by WOC individually and in community. To learn more about our services, please visit


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