This is a phenomenon that many of us are familiar with. Despite its name, people pleasing is not simply about making others feel good, but rather it is the consistent impulse to please others even when it goes against your own personal needs.
While all of these tendencies can happen at different levels of intensity, people pleasing often consists of breaking healthy boundaries that you’ve set for yourself. It is more than simple generosity or good human decency. It is characterized by preoccupation with ensuring that others like or approve of you and what you do.
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To Try:
Iffirmations
‘Iffirmations’ are similar to affirmations, but they approach pushing back against old beliefs more gently. Unlike affirmations they do not claim to fully oppose whatever belief you’ve been holding, they encourage you to consider “what if” something lighter and more loving were to be true. They plant seeds of possibility which can encourage flexibility in your mental response that can be very healing.
Here are few examples of iffirmations curated for all three tendencies we discussed in this mini series (superwoman schema, imposter syndrome, and people pleasing):
What if I can love those around me even while focusing on loving and taking care of myself.
What if I am worthy because I am inherently special.
What if I am deserving because of my dedication.
What if I am lovable even when I disagree with others and set boundaries.
What if I am enough even without trying to be.
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